To too much want to save time ...
Trails to let them grow at their own pace
This is the right time to start ...
A company guided by efficiency
Hurry up. We're in a hurry. You're going to be late . These words are undoubtedly the words our children hear most throughout their growth. Carried away by this race against the clock, we want them to make their teeth at 6 months, that they walk at 1 year at the latest! We compare. Thibaut struggles to get on the bike while his cousin of the same age "traces" already like a champion? His parents are worried about "delay". From 1 or 2 years, we stimulate them with stimuli: CDRoms, baby-gym and musical workshop. "Before, the goal of kindergarten was motor activity, play, expression, learning relationships with others," says Sylviane Giampino ***, psychoanalyst, psychologist, today, the teaching of reading is the hard core of the last year of kindergarten to prepare the CP. And at CP, we start English! " We live in a society guided by efficiency, cadences, immediacy," explains Stéphane Szerman, philosopher, psychotherapist . Moreover, to the obsession of gaining time add the crisis and the anguish of the future. Parents are convinced that the earlier their children are, the more sure they have a future. "But be careful, too much, it's too much," insists Sylviane Giampino. In the name of this sacrosanct autonomy, they are deprived of the world of childhood and this time of carelessness is shortened more and more. They talk about unemployment, and they are constantly being projected into the future. Now a child has the right to slowness. He needs time to build and dream, to be in "the here and now", to live deep within the present. So awake, resourceful, autonomous ... okay! But letting them grow at their own pace.
To too much want to save time ...
They are out of breath
► If the parents, at 6, 7 or 8 years old, raise the bar too high, the child will want to satisfy the objectives because it is the age when he dreams of making them happy. But getting tired. Is he being pushed too far into school, precisely at an age when he is available for apprenticeships? This is not a good idea, because it replaces the desire to learn through anxiety to learn. Hence, in him, the risk of a loss of self-confidence.
We weaken their "foundations"
► Each age is conducive to a certain type of acquisition. If he is not given the time to digest the steps, he does not rely on sufficiently solid knowledge to move on to the next. He learns to ride a bike? You train him every day ... Well, he will probably progress faster but you deprive him of the time of discovery, develop by himself his abilities and, later, his ability to adapt.
We make "Tanguy"
► Those who have been given too early responsibilities, who have suffered from small separations too early or ill-accompanied, tend to keep infantilising ties with their parents as if they wanted to catch up with childhood that he "skipped". He lingers at home instead of taking flight.Trails to let them grow at their own pace
Do not do everything in their place to make it go faster
► It is tempting to quickly put on his shoes instead of letting him grop between the right and the left when one has the eye riveted on the pendulum. But to grow, he needs to try, to miss, to experiment. At about 2 years of age, at least on weekends, let him start eating alone, even if he patters his puree at pleasure and risks putting it everywhere!
Let them get by ... but not by themselves!
►Although he was surrounded by attention in his early childhood, reassured in his learning by his parents, the sooner he becomes autonomous in early childhood. So take the time to introduce him to the gestures of everyday life. He says "I alone", guide him when he wants to carry an object, press the button of the elevator! All these little know-how which strengthens his self-esteem and the conquest of his independence.
Begin with well-controlled freedoms
►Before 7-8 years old, he can not go alone in the street because he is not mature enough to apprehend all the dangers. It is about 8-10 years that it can gradually be given a certain autonomy in its displacements, provided that it has been well prepared.
Stop Minister's Times
►A little trouble (but not too much!) Is necessary so that he can find resources in himself to fight it, without expecting anything from the adult. Boredom allows him to develop his imagination, to find ideas, to invent, to dream.
Give them time to play
► It is a constructive and very serious activity for a child, a source of learning and experimentation of gestures and sensations, not a waste of time. Get used to it as soon as 3 years old playing alone in his room.
Banish comparisons with buddies of the same age.
►The development of a child is not homogeneous. And it will not be ready for everything at the same time. Observe the areas where he begins to be able to independence and respect his rhythm. Some are early in language, reading, but will develop their motor skills later. He is reluctant to climb the "structures" to the square while the others arrive there? Do not make a tragedy of it, it will one day well.
Take time to marvel at every progress
►Don't skimp on compliments: he managed to soap himself and take his shower without flooding the bathroom? To put the table without breaking anything? In 6th, he is now preparing his satchel on his own? Congratulations!
Test our schedule with them
►Establish 2 lists: the daily and routine obligations you make with it by constraint, then the leisure and entertainment activities you share. 20% for activities "free" and fun, it would be a good tempo!
In 6th, let them go ... without dropping them
►Especially at the school level, under the pretext that he is now great and has to do his homework on his own. Continue to support it, looking at the text book, checking that the work is done (and without trying to anticipate the program!). The road to autonomy is carried out in stages.
Staying consistent in our requests
►If you offer him a mobile phone as an independence tool, for example, do not make it a permanent means of control. Or do not always require more insurance in certain areas - he or she returns from school by subway at the age of 9 - while attending others - he or she does not know work on a practical level, does not help household chores at home. For, then, he no longer knows if he is asked to be small or to be tall.
Remembering his own childhood
►What did you like to do at his age? Did you have time for fun? It is a way of being better at listening to your needs, to put yourself at your pace and to take time with him.
Establish breaks, family calm rituals
►Make a "stop" where you slow down and enjoy time: you cook a cake every Tuesday night, you read stories together on Sunday morning in the parents' bed. And we dare to remain present without doing anything!This is the right time to start ...
Each age is conducive to a type of learning. But beware, these landmarks are averages and especially not a standard valid for all!
2 years-2 years 1/2: eat alone, slip the right arm in the good sleeve of the anorak!
3 years: to be clean, to wash, to wear an object with caution.
5 years: get on a bike, get dressed alone.
6 years: putting on the cover (it is the period when he loves to play to imitate his parents).
7 years: make short trips (get bread for example), if there is no crossroads or dangerous road to cross.
8 years: receive a little pocket money.
9 years: stay a few hours during the day alone at home, go gradually alone to the school on foot (if it has been initiated to the dangers of the street and if the trip has been repeated), spend a weekend at the parents of a boyfriend.
12 years: go, for example, lunch at fast-food with friends.
